I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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