Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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