I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Congratulations! We have a period
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