so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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