What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
