I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
