This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
