The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
