he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
