i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
