It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
