Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
sex in a hospital.. check
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
