Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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