There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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