pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Never joke about your clitoris.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
