My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
