drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
that may or may not have been my penis.
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