And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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