yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no, he came in my armpit
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
