I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
