I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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