forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
