My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
