I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
