Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
