thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
