Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
