He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
