I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
