he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
