Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
