I got chris browned last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
