the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
