You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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