if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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