dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
