You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
