it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize