life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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