FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
