Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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