; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
