Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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