You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
