She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
