apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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