It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
