I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
