help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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