Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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