im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
