I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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