I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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