I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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