She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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