Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
