You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I puked a lego.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
