i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
