she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
