i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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