So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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