Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
