even my farts smell like vagina
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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