I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
