omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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