I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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